Where My (Celeb) Canadians At?

Deafening silence from prominent Canadians during threats of annexation

A day in the life of a Canadian is usually pretty mundane. Get up and shovel the driveway, run to Timmy’s for a breakfast double-double, Zamboni the backyard rink, head out to a job that doesn’t need to have benefits because of universal healthcare, complain about a Trudeau, get some Harvey’s on the way home, and then watch a Leafs game. It’s a simple life. The only real decision to be made is whether you cheer for or against the Leafs. And every good Canadian knows, deep down, the Leafs suck.

We’re rarely mentioned in international circles. We’re not a beachfront vacation destination. We’re a G7 country, but no one knows what that means. (Influencers: Not a private jet.) The only time the country enters conversations tends to be in some form of, “I didn’t know they were Canadian.”

And we’re fine with that anonymity. It’s part of what makes being a Canadian so rewarding. We are left to our lives. Wars are fought on the ice. And I love America. I love Americans. I am grateful for the friendship our countries have shared. We are both better for the relationship. But things have gone sideways, and that’s not good for any of us..

While threatening the annexation of Canada is not the most egregious action of the Musk/Trump administration—what with segregating bathrooms, taking away women’s autonomy, declaring two sexes, firing everyone, concentration camps… the list is frighteningly violent and endless—the Project 2025 klan’s destruction of democracy is a nightmare. But for Canadians, it’s a horror on a new and unfamiliar level. We’ve always—and still—considered Americans to be our cousins. It’s hard to find a Canadian without a connection to the US via family and friends, and certainly impossible to find one without a cultural connection. to be honest, right now, things are scary.

As a Canadian married to an American and currently working in the US on a visa, I’m nervous about going home. Or rather, I’m nervous to come back. And the administration’s lack of interest in the constitution or domestic or international law, suggests that an action beyond tariffs is possible. Malcolm Nance, an intelligence and foreign policy analyst, has even gone so far as to predict an invasion is being planned. New Prime Minister Mark Carney has said he won’t engage in conversation until Donald Trump stops the 51st state rhetoric, and Trump loves rhetoric. As I imagine many non-MAGAt Americans do, there’s a real sense of helplessness among Canadians.

The anti-Canadian sentiment from the White House and the ongoing trade war have rallied Canadians to a sense of nationalism that has not been seen since Sidney Crosby’s golden goal at the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver. Canadians are buying “Made in Canada” items at rates never before seen. Jack Daniels, California Wine, and other US products are being removed from shelves until the trade war ends. Snowbirds are staying up north instead of making their annual pilgrimages to Florida and Arizona. Canadians are making personal and financial sacrifices. They are putting Canada first, and not in a propagandized way, but in a patriotic way.

The Canadian far-right has borrowed heavily from the Trump playbook to embed divisiveness and an absence of truth in their vile, anti-woke rhetoric. Pierre Poilievre (PP), the leader of the federal Conservatives, who I described in a McSweeney’s piece last week as, “a moron, a thrift-store Trump, an LGBTQIA+-hating, on-the-take mouthpiece for banks, billionaires, and big polluters [and a] transphobic capitalist Christian extremist.” And I was being Canadian in my politeness. PP and Alberta Premier Danielle Smith embody the worst of Canada, a MAGAt-like hate-fuck approach to politics of divisiveness and misinformation. But in collectively turning against Trump’s rhetorical bullshit, Canadians have simultaneously turned against PP. They’ve recognized the evil in him, and we have (in concert with the departure of Justin Trudeau, who Canadians had grown tired of) seen a sea change in national polling, where the once inevitable PP government is now either even or falling behind the Liberal Party.

While this is ultimately good news for Canadians politically—because PP is a clean-shaven, bilingual, dollar store JD Vance without the eyeliner—the problem remains that a trade war with the US will be destructive to both our economies, not to mention our longstanding allyship.

But given that the friendship and mutually beneficial economic relationship between the two countries is so strained right now, and the fearless, courageous, nationalistic pride emanating from Canadians, I’m left to wonder: Where the celebs at? When Mike Myers appeared on SNL recently (playing our worst Canadian—sorry PP, sorry Jordan Petersen; it’s Elon Musk) he started a war cry of sorts, appropriating the ever-so-Canuckian, hockey-rooted “elbows up” while wearing a “Canada’s Not for Sale” t-shirt during the shows closing credits to make a bold statement that as a Canadian living in the US, and who has built his celebrity, career, and wealth in America, he stood with his homeland. But he largely seems to be standing alone.

While Tom Green, Simu Liu, Ryan Gosling, Adam Gopnik, Pamela Anderson, Raine Maida, and a few others have made statements, most of the big Canadian celebs (who, granted, most Americans don’t know are Canadian) have been silent. Where’s Ryan Reynolds? Neil Young? Justin Bieber? Keanu Reeves? Sean Mendes? The Weeknd? I mean, we probably don’t really want Drake on our side right now, but that dude loves Canada when he’s courtside at a Raptors game. Where is he now?

Will Arnett loves to dress up in Leafs gear and sell us Reese’s, but who do you think gets cut first from GM’s budget when a Tahoe costs 300 grand, Gob?

Seth Rogen loves being a Canadian when he’s buying BC bud, but where is he now?

Reynolds, @VanCityReynolds on social media, ffs, loves to flaunt his Canadianess when it’s charming and wrapped up in Deadpool spandex, but when your nationality matters, where is he?

I wish a Canadian hockey player would say something that mattered just once. They’re the very definition of vanilla. But Sid? Steven Stamkos? Connor McDavid? We’ve all known for a long time that Wayne Gretzky was a turncoat, MAGAt asshole, the next thing of substance he says will be the first, but Jesus, 99, you can’t even throw on a maple leaf before the 4-Nations final, with your homeland in need? I was always a Mario guy anyway.

Goddamn, if Gord Downie were still alive, there’d be a free Hip show on Parliament Hill, and 20 million Canadians would show up, and we’d blow at high dough like nobody’s business.

I don’t think celebrity endorsement or support for political ideas is a necessity in a successful democracy. On most days, I couldn’t give two fucks about what George Clooney thinks unless it’s about a Michael Clayton sequel. Not only do Canadians the world over, famous and otherwise, need to speak up (not you, Jordan Petersen, sit the fuck down on Rogan’s sweaty lap) against the threatened annexation of their country, but that threat’s imminence and danger needs to become part of the American cultural conversation. We need solidarity as much as we need courage. We need Lorne Micheals to greenlight an SNL cold open in which Trump deports Deadpool, Shrek, and hockey. We need Americans throwing maple leaves on their trucks, much like Canadians did with the stars and stripes after 9/11. We need Nickleback refusing to share a marquee with Kid Rock.

Because here’s the thing, Canadian celebs: Don’t think they’re not coming for you next. If you can’t imagine a time in the near future when Trump cancels Reynolds’ green card so that Mel Gibson can play Deadpool, you’re not paying attention. If you don’t think foreign bands will be banned from performing on US soil, you’re wrong. If you don’t see Letterkenny and Shoresy being removed from Hulu for being Canadian propaganda, then you were literally born yesterday.

My mum loves to share this quote attributed to Edmund Burke, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” The quote actually comes from John Stuart Mill:

Let not any one pacify his conscience by the delusion that he can do no harm if he takes no part, and forms no opinion. Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing. He is not a good man who, without a protest, allows wrong to be committed in his name, and with the means which he helps to supply, because he will not trouble himself to use his mind on the subject.

The Burke misattribution looks better on a bumper sticker, but the argument remains: Now is not the time to stay silent. And for those with the means and pulpit from which to speak, your silence is deafening. Either you’re Canadian, or you’re a coward. Right now, you can’t be both. Unless you’re Pierre Poilievre.

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